I'm not short, YOU'RE just tall.


-Join the army. Visit exotic places. Meet strange people. Then kill them.

-Before you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do insult them, you are a mile away AND you have their shoes.

-When life gives you lemons, make grape soda and let the world wonder how you did it.

-Where there's a will, there's always 500 relatives and a cheesy reality show.

-I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

-Problem? Build a bridge and get over it.

-I don't suffer from my insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

-Apparently, every one in five people in the world are chinese and there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either me, my mum, my dad, my older brother Collin, or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. BUT I THINK IT'S COLLIN!

-Did you know, dolphins are so smart that within only a few weeks of captivity they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pools and throw them fish?

-They say hard work never hurt anybody, but why take the chance?

-I like work. It fascinates me. I can stare at it for hours on end.

-For sale: One parachute. Never opened. Used once. Small stain.

-If you don't like the way I drive, then get off the sidewalk!

-Only in America do we have drive through ATMs with braille on them.

-“I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there’s no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell cant paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can’t paper do this to people? Why aren’t sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I’ll tell you why, because paper can’t beat anybody, a rock would tear that paper up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say “oh shit I’m sorry I thought paper would protect you, asshole.”

-There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you can be pretty sure it isn’t canine. English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice. One house, 2 hice? If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as heck one day and cold as heck another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it? English is a silly language … it doesn’t know if it is coming or going!!

I'm a short, spunky ball of fire. I'm also very observant and analytical. I'm loyal to all of my friends and my family, and have a habit of seeming almost too much like a dog ;D. My favorite hobbies are writing 100 page stories for fun, sketching landscapes, and keeping it old school with silly puns and random sayings. My proof of that resides in the pocket watch I always carry around with me. What can I say? I belong in the old west.

Got a question? I have an answer, though might be irrelevant.

Post it...

invisiblelad:

perpetual reblogging

Source: itdoesabitthough

Fucking fuckers

  • me: (out shopping, looking all fly with my Marvel comics tote bag featuring several characters)
  • dude: nice bag.
  • me: thanks. (keeps on shopping)
  • dude: do you even know who all those characters are?
  • me: uh... yeah?
  • dude: ok then, who's that guy? (points at a character on the bag)
  • me:
  • me: wait, are you asking me to prove that I'm enough of a fan enough to carry this bag?
  • dude: (smirks) that's what I thought. He's called the Silver Surfer. I bet you don't even know his real name.
  • me: does it matter? (starts to edge away before I start punching throats)
  • dude: psh, you're not a real fan.
  • me:
  • me: (slowly unsheathing my Wolverine claws)
  • me: how many pairs of chromosomes do humans contain in their cells?
  • dude: uh... what?
  • me: explain the function of cellular mitosis?
  • dude:
  • me: what is the purpose of myelin sheath with regards to the formation of new neural pathways?
  • dude: what are you even talking about?
  • me: oh, well it seemed that you were implying that if I don't know as much about the Marvel universe as you do, then I can't possibly be considered a real fan. This is me implying that because you don't know as much about the human body as I do, you can't possibly be considered a real human being.
  • dude:
  • dude:
  • dude:
  • dude: Um, I... wow. You're right. Have a nice day. (starts to shuffle away)
  • me: his name is Norrin Radd.
  • dude: (looks extremely embarrassed)

Source: daftpunk-delorean

guy:

iconic

Source: dark-beautiful-twisted-soul

ducky-chan:

everythingmasseffect:

eat-sleep-etc:

ineedsomemoneey:

sizvideos:

What Guys should do to Drunk Girls - Video

Her neck is gonna hurt like hell in that position doe.

He put her head like that so in case she throws up she won’t drown in her own puke, every important

At first I was going to be super pissed but then….

DID HE JUST SIT THERE WAITING FOR HER TO FALL ASLEEP?

Source: sizvideos

jayjayvanzz:

I think I won the entire game

jayjayvanzz:

I think I won the entire game

Source: jayjayvanzz

ultrafacts:

What Cat Behaviors Actually Mean

More facts on Ultrafacts

Source: ultrafacts

Source: grimnear

dropmycumberbritches:

dropmycumberbritches:


Georgian First Grader Beaten and Sexually Assaulted by Male Classmates…School Says Boys Just “Rough Housing”
Valdosta - Three first grade boys kept a female classmate outside after recess by hiding in the woods, pushing her face first into the ground. The victim, whose name is being withheld, has suffered scarring to the right side of her face from broken tree branches and rocks that she was allegedly assaulted with both physically and sexually.
The victim was able to escape the male classmates after fifteen minutes of torture, running into a fifth grade classroom and alerting a teacher of what had happened. The principle of the elementary school said he had a “man to man” talk with the boys and their parents, giving them two days of suspension. He neglected calling the local authorities claiming “it did not seem like a police matter, just simple rough housing gone a little too far”.
The parents of the victim are looking to press charges on the boys for sexual and physical assault, as well as a possible law suit against the school district. District superintendent was not available for comment. 

This is called rape culture you guys. The girl was 7 years old and they called it “rough housing” between boys.

Please boost this post! People NEED to hear about this.

dropmycumberbritches:

dropmycumberbritches:

Georgian First Grader Beaten and Sexually Assaulted by Male Classmates…School Says Boys Just “Rough Housing”

Valdosta - Three first grade boys kept a female classmate outside after recess by hiding in the woods, pushing her face first into the ground. The victim, whose name is being withheld, has suffered scarring to the right side of her face from broken tree branches and rocks that she was allegedly assaulted with both physically and sexually.

The victim was able to escape the male classmates after fifteen minutes of torture, running into a fifth grade classroom and alerting a teacher of what had happened. The principle of the elementary school said he had a “man to man” talk with the boys and their parents, giving them two days of suspension. He neglected calling the local authorities claiming “it did not seem like a police matter, just simple rough housing gone a little too far”.

The parents of the victim are looking to press charges on the boys for sexual and physical assault, as well as a possible law suit against the school district. District superintendent was not available for comment. 

This is called rape culture you guys. The girl was 7 years old and they called it “rough housing” between boys.

Please boost this post! People NEED to hear about this.

Source: vegetableighs

fr0ttagecheese:

pondermoofin:

fadedleara:

maca-kun:

JELSA for the win \( > v < )/ 

Please link the artist! All art is by Sakimi-chan.

Oh lord *o*….my minds tellin me nooOOOooo….

where the hell is Frozone

Don’t usually ship disney characters, but I kind of like the genderbent jelsa

Source: maca-kun

orchid-ink:

iraffiruse:

Satisfying things

being a human is so weird

Source: iraffiruse